if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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