ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
