Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
