Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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