Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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