you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
