Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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