Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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