I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
