We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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