i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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