She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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