if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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