I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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