The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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