just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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