well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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