i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
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Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
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FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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