Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
