this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
