Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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