im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
