Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
