Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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