May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
