Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
