i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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