i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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