I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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