you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize