Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
