You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
