i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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