Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
