he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
