my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
