i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
