i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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