3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
