I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
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Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
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Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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