just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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