Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
