I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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