your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
