Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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