girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
