Michael Bay diarrhea
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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