Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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