i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
