he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
