And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
