As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
