one two three fourrrrnication!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
