I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
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I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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