I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
