I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.