I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
