I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
