Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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