I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
