my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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