I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
