I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
