You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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