wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
