I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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