I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Watching her eat just hurts me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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