just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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