they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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