Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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