Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
