dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
