Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
