I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
