I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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