My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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