the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
