I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
