Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
