I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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