Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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