in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
