So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
