The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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