Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
